Why I officially wish to single-handedly take down the devil that is Facebook FOREVER!

ADMIT IT!!!! You all love to look up your exes as much as the next, but why is it that I always find out that mine are engaged, married or dead? Why can't you set a filter on there where you can type in the names of all your ex-boyfriends and then, every time you decide that it's a good idea to look them up on Facebook, the filter rushes into action and love you out of your account for a 24 hour period so that you can think about why that was a bad idea!!!

Conversation with a 6 year-old

Having dinner at my friend's house one evening, I had this conversation with her 6 year-old son.

Me: Hey, I'll cut your food. I have lots of practice since I am older than you.
6 year-old: How old are you?
Me: 29
6 year-old: That's weird.
Me: Why is that weird?
6 year-old: Because you're older than my mom, you aren't married and you don't have any kids.
Me: ......

Thanks C-man. I love you too!

Where have I been???

Buying a condo is quite time-consuming, I must say. Whether it was tearing down the god-awful ivy wallpaper border that was stuck to my ceiling (YES, I said ceiling) or discovering that my wood base molding was applied with a hot glue gun, I must say that I have been pretty busy. I am still working on it. It will be an on-going process that will take a good 6 more months to complete, but it will be done. Oh yes, it will be done.

Other than that boring banter about trivial things that are occurring in my living space, I must say that I have also been under the weather. Really, it's not so much weather as it is trapped under a gigantic bolder. Ok, seriously, it was a kidney stone, but it was extremely painful and it got stuck. It only felt like a knife-wielding assassin dressed as a boulder in my poor kidney. For those who have had kidney stones, I feel your pain. For those of you who haven't, imagine the pain of having to listen to Roseanne Barr sing the national anthem in your mid-to-lower back on constant replay all while Sandra Bernhardt is trying to make out with you. It was really scary, annoying and painful.

Now, I am trying to decide whether to take a medical withdrawl from my classes or continue on, as I am two weeks behind and really feel no hope of catching up anytime soon. So that is that. It has been quite boring for me lately. I will be back with more awesome tales from the life of this creative train wreck. Oh, and can you pick up a gallon of milk on your way home?

Hey Napoleon, France called, they want you to come home

Seriously people. Napoleon is probably not even the correct term for the date that I recently encountered. He was more like Henry VIII. Totally ridiculous. We met for drinks following brief chatting over the phone and internet.

I was blown away that his 5'9" shrunk by 4 inches. He proceeded to answer every question I posed with another question or an answer that made absolutely no sense. My favorite....

Me: "How many brothers and sisters do you have?"
Napoleon VIII: "Is that a low-flying plane?"
Me: "Probably"
Napoleon VIII: "Do you always wear flip-flops"
Me: "I think I need another beer"
Napoleon VIII: "Will you buy me one too?" (doesn't reach for wallet)
Me: "Whatever"

I then purchased him a beer, purchased myself another one and went to the bathroom. When I got back, he had finished his beer and bought himself another one. I only went number one and didn't even bother to check myself in the mirror, as I saw this date was going so far short of nowhere.

Within an hour, I just decided to fuck with the guy and ask him ridiculously though-provoking questions that I knew he would have no answer for.

After I had my fill of that, I told him it was time for me to get going. He then asked if I wanted to make out. I politely declined, got in my car and left.

Within the next hour, Napoleon VIII had left me two voicemails and 4 text messages asking me if I wanted to make out.....

I didn't respond.

Sometimes, in the dating world, you will come across and Napoleon VIII. send him back to France with a note that says, "Hey France, come get this fucker, he is too crazy to stay in the U.S. We don't want him"

First Impressions

Dear eHarmony,

Please review the pictures of people on the site and use your own crack team of people to distinguish who is good looking from who is not.

The matches you sent to me today were complete crap. No, I don't go for men who look like Chewbacca. I don't go for guys who look like AIDS patients either, literally, hooked up to a machine in the profile pic.

So, here is an idea: Hire, lets say 100 people. Pay them one penny for each person they evaluate based on their appearances.

Hey, I am not vain, but seriously, compatibilty exists when people are attracted to each other physically too. If I say "I want to date a man who is good looking", please don't send me a picture of Warf from Star Trek.

xoxo-
Becky

My First Post

Hello friends,
I wish to let you all know that this will be my first attempt and blogging. There will be good and bad times ahead. There will be love in my words, friendship in my connections and creativity in everything I say on here.

It has come to my attention that there is noone else in the world that knows me better than I do (WHAT A SHOCKER). In the game of life, I am a winner, for I have my health and the ability to do whatever I want. In the game of love, I am the only winner, because, as of yet, there is noone that has met my immensely high standards. In the game of creativity, I am constantly moving forward, although I sometimes land on "go back 3 spaces".

Through this blog, I will explain what it is to be me. What my thoughts are, and where my life, love and craft is headed.

At the current time, I am single. I am purchasing a condo with the help of my parents (who are awesome to do that, although I think it's because they want me out of their house for the third and final time). I have had various thoughts on living alone. I debate how many animals I can cram into my 1200 sq foot living space. I think about, hey, what if I meet someone and really like them, but don't want to live with them?

I don't hold much hope out for having my baby maker go into production. Hey, don't get me wrong, I would love to be pregnant. You get the better parking spots at Babies 'R Us. You get everyone paying attention to you and asking, "When are you due?", "Is it a boy or girl", and "When are you gonna lose that freaking weight?" (great motivator in my mind). The thing is, though, for me to miraculously develop a sudden set of motherly instincts, would be just that, a frickin' miracle. Plus, do I really want something needing me that much? Granted, I am dependable, but I would be absolutely miserable.

Now, even though I am being a Negative Nelly, I want you all to know that I really am a positive person. I have awesome friends, who can get on my nerves, but I still love them and want to be around them as much as I can. I have a great job that allows me the ability to work in my underpants if I want with the exception of two nights a week (I would hate to wear only underwear to a bar, it would be a tragedy for everyone involved).

I love my cat, Gravy, and soon, she will have a brother or sister to play with when I am not home. I love being me, and that is no easy task, believe that.

Please join me on my journey of self-discovery and fulfillment. There will be laughs, tears and awkward moments that will make you blush. There will be joy, sadness, and some melancholy in between.

I plan on using this blog, as a journal. Hop in the car, go for a ride, and when we get to the destination, I'll see your lovely faces there!

xoxo-
Becky